I really can't complain about anything.
Life is fantastic.
Period.
Let me share a couple reasons:
-Volleyball team won the Advanced Championship
-Got 1st place in the Research & Creative Works Conference for the research we did on conformity.
-Met a pretty terrific girl.
You know. No big deal.
Now I'm enjoying winter break at home before I head up to North Dakota to work in the oil fields.
Life is good.
~Boy
P.S. I've had a mustache for the last month and a half. Tomorrow it comes off. I couldn't have more mixed feelings on a piece of facial hair.
I AM happy. But I also may miss it.
We'll see.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Haters Gonna Hate
Brenton and I were talking today.
As is common.
About rap.
He was showing me some new rapper that he has found that upon first hearing him he thought he was annoying, but upon further listening he liked the flow.
I stayed in the first feeling.
Let me describe this to you...
Young.(Possibly high school)
White.(Albino/ginger mix)
Poor.(Of course. You can't have rich rappers, that's silly!)
I wanted to punch him so many times in the face.
So many.
I dislike white rappers because 90% of the time because they sound ridiculous when they try to rap. Just silly, really.
And they just copy what black rappers do.
And wear.
And say.
And think.
Now, don't get me wrong, there are some freakin' legit rappers out there that are white.
Like this guy...
.
..
...
....
.....
....
...
..
.
Please.
Please understand the humor in this.
No.
Really, though, there are some good white rappers. Like Macklemore.
But you know why he is so good?
Because he DOESN'T do exactly what the black rappers do. He doesn't try and emulate them. Be exactly like they are. Dress exactly like they do.
He raps about shopping at Goodwill for crying out loud!
.
..
...
....
.....
....
...
..
.
Now that right there is a good rapper.
His other stuff that is serious is good, too. It's not all just fun and games.
So.
For those of you out there who don't know much about rap (and I know there are many.)
IKNOWWHOYOUARE
I wrote this little equation for you...
Talk about how rough your life was(go in to detail. People like to feel bad for you) +
Talk about how you're super rich now(again, go in to detail. People like to be jealous) +
Talk about all the "haters"(detail. detail. detail. Name them specifically if you can) +
Make your own *dance move(or sing about one if you aren't creative enough) =
POPULAR RAP STAR OF THE YEAR AWARD
OR, if you already have song like that, make a song about drinking, "hos", or shoes.(You'll get the same result)
*See stanky leg, cat daddy, dougie, two step, one two step, jerk, reject, etc. for some inspiration.
That being said, I still enjoy rap music because it makes my subs work. But so does other forms of music. And once those other forms utilize bass in the same way that rap does, I will no longer have a need for rap.
***
Also...I love not shaving. Did I say that already?
Yet...for some sick, twisted reason I am really looking forward to trimming down to just my mustache again tomorrow. A picture will follow I am sure.
Peace out my homies.
~Boy
As is common.
About rap.
He was showing me some new rapper that he has found that upon first hearing him he thought he was annoying, but upon further listening he liked the flow.
I stayed in the first feeling.
Let me describe this to you...
Young.(Possibly high school)
White.(Albino/ginger mix)
Poor.(Of course. You can't have rich rappers, that's silly!)
I wanted to punch him so many times in the face.
So many.
I dislike white rappers because 90% of the time because they sound ridiculous when they try to rap. Just silly, really.
And they just copy what black rappers do.
And wear.
And say.
And think.
Now, don't get me wrong, there are some freakin' legit rappers out there that are white.
Like this guy...
..
...
....
.....
....
...
..
.
Please.
Please understand the humor in this.
No.
Really, though, there are some good white rappers. Like Macklemore.
But you know why he is so good?
Because he DOESN'T do exactly what the black rappers do. He doesn't try and emulate them. Be exactly like they are. Dress exactly like they do.
He raps about shopping at Goodwill for crying out loud!
..
...
....
.....
....
...
..
.
Now that right there is a good rapper.
His other stuff that is serious is good, too. It's not all just fun and games.
So.
For those of you out there who don't know much about rap (and I know there are many.)
IKNOWWHOYOUARE
I wrote this little equation for you...
Talk about how rough your life was(go in to detail. People like to feel bad for you) +
Talk about how you're super rich now(again, go in to detail. People like to be jealous) +
Talk about all the "haters"(detail. detail. detail. Name them specifically if you can) +
Make your own *dance move(or sing about one if you aren't creative enough) =
POPULAR RAP STAR OF THE YEAR AWARD
OR, if you already have song like that, make a song about drinking, "hos", or shoes.(You'll get the same result)
*See stanky leg, cat daddy, dougie, two step, one two step, jerk, reject, etc. for some inspiration.
That being said, I still enjoy rap music because it makes my subs work. But so does other forms of music. And once those other forms utilize bass in the same way that rap does, I will no longer have a need for rap.
***
Also...I love not shaving. Did I say that already?
Yet...for some sick, twisted reason I am really looking forward to trimming down to just my mustache again tomorrow. A picture will follow I am sure.
Peace out my homies.
~Boy
Saturday, November 24, 2012
The Past is Just the Future with the Lights On
Every once in a while (about once a semester) Brenton and I decide that we need to have a period of time(usually a day) in which we listen to nothing but punk rock. This semester I decided that I would make a whole break of it. So all Thanksgiving break I have been listening to some of my old favorites, such as Blink-182, Sum 41, Bowling For Soup, All-American Rejects, Good Charlotte, etc. It takes me right back to high school.
It's funny how miserable I thought I was. How terrible I thought life was and that it couldn't possible get any worse and no one understood me.
(much like many high schoolers I'm sure)
But I look back on that time now with fondness, often wishing to go back. Hoping that those minuscule problems could be mine again instead of the problems that I face now.
I wonder if years down the road I will look back on this time and feel the same.
Wow.
I really didn't plan for my blog to match up so well with the title. I just took that from an old +44 song. Perhaps there is a lesson to be learned there.
.
..
...
Nah.
***
Keeping with my fashion, I will inform you on my gym time, dear interwebs:
I have become extremely self-conscious about my body.
Little things that I never even noticed before now drive me crazy day after day...
"Why can't I get rid of this fat here?"
"Why aren't my arms bigger?"
"Why do I have so many freaking freckles?!"
"Why aren't my arms bigger?"
"Why do I have so many freaking freckles?!"
So my gym time has been amazing lately, and I have seen tons of improvements.
But it seems that the grass isn't really greener on the other side, because once you get what you want there is always something more to want leaving you constantly disappointed.
That is a very bleak outlook on life.
This is why we are taught as members of the church to be grateful for what we have and ever embrace the spirit of thanksgiving.
One of the deadliest sins is the sin of ingratitude, after all.
***
I severely enjoy baths. To the extent I would rather do very little else above this activity.
Just thought you should know.
***
Update on life:
-Thanksgiving was good. Ate at my bishop's house and also watched football there. Then watched movies afterwards at my apartment with a friend or two who were also unfortunate enough to be marooned in Rexburg.
-Thanksgiving was good. Ate at my bishop's house and also watched football there. Then watched movies afterwards at my apartment with a friend or two who were also unfortunate enough to be marooned in Rexburg.
-Got a job offer for winter semester to work in the oil fields of North Dakota making a LOT of money. I will most likely accept this offer and return to Rexburg a king!
-Rendezvoused with a friend from my first semester tonight. Had her and one of her friends over. We watched Warrior(the greatest movie ever). Brenton had his current lady friend over.
After bringing my friends home I tried to give Brenton and his lady some alone time and so I drove around to multiple apartments of people I know and tried to make visits or see if anyone needed anything. No luck. So I came home dejected and embarrassed to interrupt their alone time.
So I naturally grabbed my guitar and computer and headed upstairs to again give them alone time. This worked well until I snapped one of my guitar strings.
So I, again, walked downstairs and apologized for interrupting.
Now here I am writing this. Which is good because I have not updated in so very, very long.
***
It is Movember.
Which means that I of course am dawning my official MoBro attire and growing out my upper lip hairs to the extent that some appreciate them and others recoil in horror.
Which means that I of course am dawning my official MoBro attire and growing out my upper lip hairs to the extent that some appreciate them and others recoil in horror.
This year I have had much more of the first reaction than the latter. Both previous years my mustache has been met with disgust from a good majority of those who have the pleasure of viewing it. This year, however, I am receiving much praise and admiration for it!
I think the best comment was that I looked like I should be solving mysteries. I take that as a compliment.
Perhaps if it works out well enough I may keep it past the end of November. But I doubt it.
It is ALSO Thanksgiving break, so even though I should only have a mustache in the following picture I will have much more. Because during breaks I am inclined to not shave, as you should know by now if you have EVER read my blog before...
It just occurred to me that I have fantastic eyebrows.
***
If you were one of the millions foolish enough to go out shopping on this day, or you know of someone who did, I hope that all is well, you are safe, and most importantly that you got the thing that you were willing to risk life and limb for.
***
Well, I think that is a sizable update for this evening. I shall return at a later date to again fill you in on the terribly exciting and important details of my life!
~Boy
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Ice On The Fringe
I cried yesterday.
It was weird.
I was in the bathtub before going to the gym and I was pretty sore from the day before of lifting and I was watching a cool YouTube mini series called Forward Unto Dawn.
This sounds extremely nerdy, I know.
Anyone who knows me extremely well knows that I am a huge sucker for
a.)stories of brotherhood(
and
b.)true love
This has elements of both. So I was already misty-eyed. THEN one of the characters died and it got me seriously thinking about how short life is. How little time we really have on this earth to do everything we want and become who we want.
I am 25 years old.
25!
When did that happen?!
And then I started thinking of all the things I still wanted to accomplish with whatever amount of time I have left on this little rock flying through an infinite cosmos.
And it became very trivial.
In the grand scheme, when I am called to stand at the pearly gates or final judgment or whatever you want to call it, is it going to matter if I have owned a house with an indoor pool? Is it going to matter if I can bench press a geo metro? Is it going to matter if I never got to "grind the crack"? (It's not dirty. Look it up on YouTube)
(Better yet, I'll just link it)
No.
It's not going to matter! What's going to matter is the relationships I formed, the people I impacted, and the potential I lived up to.
And so I cried.
Not out of remorse.
Out of joy. And simplicity.
What an awesome world we live in.
And I decided from that time forward that I would take more advantage of it, and spend more time just really being myself and even getting to know myself so that I know who to be!
It has been fantastic so far.
Carpe Diem/YOLO. Same thing if applied correctly.
***
The rest of the day was quite wonderful as well!
-Went to the gym. Killed my back and arms. I am so sore today. I can barely shrug/move my neck without mucho paino.
It's great to be back in the gym.
Except a lot of my shirts I used to own don't fit so well anymore. I bought my first "Large" shirt at the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert. Medium is just a wee bit too snug. and small is DEFINITELY out of the question.
-Went to one of my adorable FHE sisters birthday party, which was enjoyable.
Until Brenton showed up and we had to leave early.
(And it was just before they put peanut butter on opposite sides of a piece of saran wrap and two people had to lick it off at the same time.) (Hilarious, I promise) (And mildly sexual)
-But we left because our good friend Kayla was in the hospital and asked for a blessing. She broke her leg playing competitive soccer. Straight through both bones. Crazy injury! Totally saw the X-Ray.
There was a bunch of people there and we stayed for a bit. She was hopped up on morphine, but her leg still hurt through her drug-induced relaxed state. I guess that's understandable.
This caused Brenton and I to reflect on why we always seem to get called to give blessings to people. Among our group of girl friends we always seem to be the people that are called to give blessings. Us two specifically.
We analyzed, and we can maybe understand why Kayla would want us. We very well might be the only guys she knows who are righteous enough to worthily hold the priesthood. With our other friends, though, we don't get it. Surely these girls know other, amazing guys who honor and uphold their priesthood. Why is it that always get called?
We ended up accepting it as a compliment.
We ended up accepting it as a compliment.
-Went back to the birthday party and things had gotten interesting. They had wrapped the birthday girl in saran wrap from head to toe and were wanting to drop her off at some random apartments and see what would happen.
*did I mention she was wearing a sash that said "Kiss Me: I'm the Birthday Girl"?
Luckily for all of us, I think, that didn't end up happening.
Even MORE lucky was that we decided to play Kissing Rugby instead!
Now...I am no stranger to kissing, and despite the fact that I had heard of this game, I had never played it. Extremely fun! If you've never played before, I can explain the rules sometime and we can get a group together to play it.
It started off slow and awkward because there were a lot of us who didn't know each other, but it quickly picked up steam once the girls saw how serious the guys were and realized that they kept losing. It became more competitive and exciting towards the end of the night.
Then we finished off the party by taking all the balloons and throwing them in some random IVY apartment. Didn't know the people at all, but filled their kitchen with balloons and then ran away. They were screaming at us as we ran.
So much fun.
Then I hid in the closet for the next 30 minutes and waited for the precisely right moment to pop out and scare people. It was fantastic.
***
That was yesterday.
Today was the ward party.
There was a karaoke contest, and despite the fact that I didn't win, everyone complimented me and said how stunned they were that I was such a good singer.
I tried to accept their compliments instead of typical fashion just sluffing them off to be of no great importance. It was an ego boost. And quite nice.
***
Tonight, as I was walking one of my FHE sisters home(the same adorable one who had the birthday party) she mentioned her gratitude for genuinely sweet guys like my roommates and myself. I told her it was strange that she considered us to be of such high caliber because I don't think we would ever equate ourselves with being exemplary in any way. She assured me that we are. Even standing out amongst other BYUI men. Which shocked me. With this locus of spirituality I would imagine that there would be a plethora of righteous individuals to associate with. She said otherwise.
Tonight, as I was walking one of my FHE sisters home(the same adorable one who had the birthday party) she mentioned her gratitude for genuinely sweet guys like my roommates and myself. I told her it was strange that she considered us to be of such high caliber because I don't think we would ever equate ourselves with being exemplary in any way. She assured me that we are. Even standing out amongst other BYUI men. Which shocked me. With this locus of spirituality I would imagine that there would be a plethora of righteous individuals to associate with. She said otherwise.
People are sweet(both guys and girls) until they get what they want from you. And then they act like jerks.
So it is rare to find people who continue to be sweet.
And I am glad to be one it would seem.
~Boy
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Racism
Now THAT is one heck of a title.
It has nothing to do with what follows, but I just saw a commercial about racism or something so it seemed fitting.
You don't have to pretend to understand. It's ok.
***
Tonight I accomplished one of my life goals...
I saw the Red Hot Chili Peppers in concert.
And we had terrific seats to boot!
Sure, they weren't super close to the stage, but we were dead center and only a couple rows off the floor.
Let me say, just for your knowledge, I feel a lot of the time that being on the floor is overrated. If you enjoy staring at the back of someone's head OR the very top of their hair, then the floor could be great! But I'm not a huge fan.
Although it is pretty great to be THAT close to the singers.
I dunno, it's a toss-up.
You decide for yourself! Why are you looking to me for opinions?
ANYWAY. The show was terrific. In every way possible.
THe ONLY downer was that I was with my parents, so I was much more reserved than I would have been if I was with my friends or complete strangers. Still fun, though.
I took a ton of pictures and a smaller ton of videos that I will upload at some point in time...but not now.
***
Also today I played two games of Dominion(which is the best game ever made PROBABLY) with my mom. I beat her both times. But they were still fun!
***
I travel back to Rexburg tomorrow, so I should probably go to bed right now...but I don't want to. :(
I am so happy to be going back, but I am also so sad to be going back. It is that way every time I go to Rexburg.
I think, currently, I am more happy to be going back, though.
EVENIFTHATMEANSIHAVETOSTARTSHAVINGAGAIN
#ILOVENOTSHAVINGFORCERTAINPERIODSOFTIME
#ITSTHESTARTOFMOVEMBER
***
It's time for me to go to bed.
***
OH YA! I also have an internship lined up for my off track. That will put me over on the number of credits by approximately 1 billion. But it will look incredible on my resume.
(Imagine that e has the fancy mark over it)
***
More somewhat exciting news...
Good job to my co-ed volleyball team which won their game today!
Bad job to my mens flag football team which lost their game today!
I really wanted to play more flag football.
Luckily the last game I played I was the MVP with my two interceptions.
#NBD
G'night.
~Boy
It has nothing to do with what follows, but I just saw a commercial about racism or something so it seemed fitting.
You don't have to pretend to understand. It's ok.
***
Tonight I accomplished one of my life goals...
I saw the Red Hot Chili Peppers in concert.
And we had terrific seats to boot!
Sure, they weren't super close to the stage, but we were dead center and only a couple rows off the floor.
Let me say, just for your knowledge, I feel a lot of the time that being on the floor is overrated. If you enjoy staring at the back of someone's head OR the very top of their hair, then the floor could be great! But I'm not a huge fan.
Although it is pretty great to be THAT close to the singers.
I dunno, it's a toss-up.
You decide for yourself! Why are you looking to me for opinions?
ANYWAY. The show was terrific. In every way possible.
THe ONLY downer was that I was with my parents, so I was much more reserved than I would have been if I was with my friends or complete strangers. Still fun, though.
I took a ton of pictures and a smaller ton of videos that I will upload at some point in time...but not now.
***
Also today I played two games of Dominion(which is the best game ever made PROBABLY) with my mom. I beat her both times. But they were still fun!
***
I travel back to Rexburg tomorrow, so I should probably go to bed right now...but I don't want to. :(
I am so happy to be going back, but I am also so sad to be going back. It is that way every time I go to Rexburg.
I think, currently, I am more happy to be going back, though.
EVENIFTHATMEANSIHAVETOSTARTSHAVINGAGAIN
#ITSTHESTARTOFMOVEMBER
***
It's time for me to go to bed.
***
OH YA! I also have an internship lined up for my off track. That will put me over on the number of credits by approximately 1 billion. But it will look incredible on my resume.
(Imagine that e has the fancy mark over it)
***
More somewhat exciting news...
Good job to my co-ed volleyball team which won their game today!
Bad job to my mens flag football team which lost their game today!
I really wanted to play more flag football.
Luckily the last game I played I was the MVP with my two interceptions.
#NBD
G'night.
~Boy
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
What Country Do I Live In?
Seriously.
I traveled through my neighborhood this evening and NOT A SINGLE HOUSE HAD HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS UP!!!
...besides mine.
What the crap is up with that??
My family is big on celebrating holidays and decorating for said holidays. Seems someone didn't tell the neighborhood that it was only 2 days until Halloween.
Which reminds me, I will be traveling back to Utah on Halloween. I have never flown on a Holiday before.
*minor first celebration*
***
My family has a history of saving me fortune cookies for whenever I come home for any period of time. They will do this if they just go and get chinese without me, or if I am away at school for a number of months.
Anyway.
I ate one of the fortune cookies that they had waiting on my dresser when I got home...this is what it said:
Sudden love takes the longest time to be cured.
...
uh, thanks fortune cookie. That's not really a fortune but I guess I will stow that away with all of my other words of wisdom.
This has been a pointless story brought to you by me.
***
Did I mention the other night when I went to a halloween party that no one knew what my costume was?
It made me sad. Just a little.
This is my costume...
So I may have lied.
ONE person knew who I was. But he was heavily inebriated and creepy.
***
More random knowledge about me!!!
I have kept every fortune I've gotten from a fortune cookie since I left on my mission.
There are quite a few.
I keep them in my wallet.
Ask to see them sometime. I promise they will be there.
***
I have to potty.
~Boy
I traveled through my neighborhood this evening and NOT A SINGLE HOUSE HAD HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS UP!!!
...besides mine.
What the crap is up with that??
My family is big on celebrating holidays and decorating for said holidays. Seems someone didn't tell the neighborhood that it was only 2 days until Halloween.
Which reminds me, I will be traveling back to Utah on Halloween. I have never flown on a Holiday before.
*minor first celebration*
***
My family has a history of saving me fortune cookies for whenever I come home for any period of time. They will do this if they just go and get chinese without me, or if I am away at school for a number of months.
Anyway.
I ate one of the fortune cookies that they had waiting on my dresser when I got home...this is what it said:
Sudden love takes the longest time to be cured.
...
uh, thanks fortune cookie. That's not really a fortune but I guess I will stow that away with all of my other words of wisdom.
This has been a pointless story brought to you by me.
***
Did I mention the other night when I went to a halloween party that no one knew what my costume was?
It made me sad. Just a little.
This is my costume...
ONE person knew who I was. But he was heavily inebriated and creepy.
***
More random knowledge about me!!!
I have kept every fortune I've gotten from a fortune cookie since I left on my mission.
There are quite a few.
I keep them in my wallet.
Ask to see them sometime. I promise they will be there.
***
I have to potty.
~Boy
Monday, October 29, 2012
Indoctrination of the Doctor Nation
So I have yet another nerdy confession to make.
I use the font entitled "Trebuchet" because I'm a nerd and I think that medieval warfare is really, really cool.
That's all.
***
Today is a landmark day!
I just witnessed a man get the MVP for the World Series. Pablo.
He is 26 years old.
And he was won the World Series.
Twice.
I am 25 and I have...won a 4th grade art competition!
...Won a years supply of Tiger toys and Nabisco snacks off of a Pop-Tarts box(I think that was the box)
...Won Mr. Congeniality in a Mr. Paul Mitchell competition. I think that was only because they made me drink a 1/2 gallon of milk despite the fact that I'm lactose-intolerant. And then threw up on stage.
Oh you didn't know that happened?
There it is!
Take a look. But turn down the volume.
And if you have a weak stomach...you might want to look away when you get that queazy feeling.
OHYA, the point of that was that guy has accomplished quite a bit of impressive things with his life.
My greatest accomplishment is not dying to this point.
Which is pretty dang impressive, don't get me wrong.
***
Today was the Primary Program in my home ward. Which is by far the best Sunday in my opinion.
Watching those little kids get up there and sing. So awesome.
Even though I napped through the last 20 minutes of it.
ITWASALMOST90MINUTESLONGDON'TJUDGEME
Then I came home and crushed a serious nap.
Serious nap.
Close to 3 hours.
S E R I O U S
***
Sometimes the internet scares me.
Somehow my YouTube page knew that I am Mormon, enjoy American Ninja Warrior, Parkour, Memes, and funny videos. ALL IN ONE VIDEO.
I can understand...two of those assumptions.
But ALL of them? That seems a little scary.
Crazy internet...
***
Out at school we don't get TV because we have a projector in our front room.
So while I'm home I get to watch as much as I want.
Which isn't a lot.
BUT I do get to see Pawn Stars. Which is really the only TV I care about seeing.
I'm going to watch it now.
Because it is almost always on History Channel.
Ciao!
~Boy
P.S. A bunch of channels are playing scary movies...such as Stigmata, Scary Movie 3, and Eat Pray Love.
heh
I use the font entitled "Trebuchet" because I'm a nerd and I think that medieval warfare is really, really cool.
That's all.
***
Today is a landmark day!
I just witnessed a man get the MVP for the World Series. Pablo.
He is 26 years old.
And he was won the World Series.
Twice.
I am 25 and I have...won a 4th grade art competition!
...Won a years supply of Tiger toys and Nabisco snacks off of a Pop-Tarts box(I think that was the box)
...Won Mr. Congeniality in a Mr. Paul Mitchell competition. I think that was only because they made me drink a 1/2 gallon of milk despite the fact that I'm lactose-intolerant. And then threw up on stage.
Oh you didn't know that happened?
Take a look. But turn down the volume.
And if you have a weak stomach...you might want to look away when you get that queazy feeling.
OHYA, the point of that was that guy has accomplished quite a bit of impressive things with his life.
My greatest accomplishment is not dying to this point.
Which is pretty dang impressive, don't get me wrong.
***
Today was the Primary Program in my home ward. Which is by far the best Sunday in my opinion.
Watching those little kids get up there and sing. So awesome.
Even though I napped through the last 20 minutes of it.
ITWASALMOST90MINUTESLONGDON'TJUDGEME
Then I came home and crushed a serious nap.
Serious nap.
Close to 3 hours.
S E R I O U S
***
Sometimes the internet scares me.
Somehow my YouTube page knew that I am Mormon, enjoy American Ninja Warrior, Parkour, Memes, and funny videos. ALL IN ONE VIDEO.
I can understand...two of those assumptions.
But ALL of them? That seems a little scary.
Crazy internet...
***
Out at school we don't get TV because we have a projector in our front room.
So while I'm home I get to watch as much as I want.
Which isn't a lot.
BUT I do get to see Pawn Stars. Which is really the only TV I care about seeing.
I'm going to watch it now.
Because it is almost always on History Channel.
Ciao!
~Boy
P.S. A bunch of channels are playing scary movies...such as Stigmata, Scary Movie 3, and Eat Pray Love.
heh
Sunday, October 28, 2012
This Gets Me
One of my good friends who just returned home from her mission put as her status...
I love soup. So much. Especially if it's tomato-based with loads of vegetables.
"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."
- Nelson Mandela
- Nelson Mandela
This is awesome because it is exactly what happened to me tonight!
It being the Saturday before Halloween, there are bound to be TONS of parties to go to, right?
Right.
I found myself not wanting to sit home with my parents(or alone for that matter) so I decided to hit up one of my really good friends Kyle, who still lives in my home town of River Falls, Wisconsin.
Now, the quote isn't EXACLTY spot-on, because River Falls has changed quite a bit. Yet, I feel it has still changed less than the rest of the world around it. Or those who inhabit it/have moved away from it.
It's a town out of time.
Anywho...
He tells me of a party going on that should be fun and that one or two of my other high school friends will be in attendance at. So naturally I think this sounds great!
And I was right.
The night was filled with silliness.
And geekiness.
More geekiness than silliness.
But still pretty equal amounts.
Let me preface the following information with the knowledge that my home town friends and I are really, really nerdy.
Being away from them has made me less nerdy, and much, much more sad.
In high school we had a section of the day comparable to homeroom/study/whatever that was after the first block but before the second block. When we first started attending high school we just went to our own rooms, with our assigned teacher.
This got dull really quick.
There was a system in place that if you wanted to you could travel to the library or to another teachers room if they signed a slip and gave it back to your homeroom teacher.
We started going to the library.
And going off to one of the quiet study rooms. And naturally it being a soundproof room, we were as noisy as possible. Probably terribly annoying.
But we had loads of fun and didn't get ANYTHING productive done.
After the library caught on to our schemes they stopped letting us go there.
So we needed somewhere new to go.
So we chose the choir room. Because the teacher loved us and we loved her.
(Have I mentioned I took choir all throughout my schooling? Literally all throughout. Every year.)
We would go to her room and we(the students who would travel there, not her) would play Marco Polo in a little section of the school not to far from the choir room where there was a boys and girls bathroom sectioned off from the rest of the school by two glass doors, much like unto a hallway.
We would go in this area every day and play Marco Polo.
And it was a riot.
Every day.
The reason I tell you this story is to tell you that we replicated this exact situation tonight.
We played in my friends kitchen.
And had a blast!
We were immediately back in high school, goofing around and being ultra-nerds.
There was only mild drinking at this party, but the laughter was louder than any party I've been to otherwise.
It's good to be back with old friends.
Oh, but the reason this all applies to the quote mentioned above is to see how much I have changed from who I was back in high school and see how much my friends have changed, but when we are together we are almost the same people we were, but only when we're together. We bring out the past in one another.
And then we fit in with this little town out of time.
Of course, there are some things I did in high school that I don't go back to doing when around my friends, but only because my moral code has been strengthened quite a bit methinks. Although good times are still to be had.
***
The rest of the day was pretty cool, too.
Raked some leaves in the morning/afternoon(I woke up at noon, so it was morning to me) to help my stepdad. Raked the neighbors leaves just for the heck of it. Took a shower. Went to a ward party and handed out candy to kids out of the back of my mom's jeep.
***
I love soup. So much. Especially if it's tomato-based with loads of vegetables.
That is what I re-discovered at my ward party.
***
Oh, and did I mention after we got done playing Marco Polo in the kitchen we then went to a side room and played video games for another 2 hours? Because that definitely happened.
And not just any video games.
Jamestown.
Look it up.
It's not just a normal game.
It's a game for really nerdy people who like to yell.
Which describes us perfectly.
M2K
~Boy
Friday, October 26, 2012
Stickin' Around
Today I traveled from Rexburg to Salt Lake City so that I could fly home for the weekend.
Why did I fly home for the weekend you ask?
I'll tell you later, let me finish my story.
So, as I was traveling, I saw an amazing view of the mountains in the distance off to the left with the clouds enveloping them on all sides except the side directly facing me. It looked like something out of a Peter Jackson movie.
Just beautiful.
Picturesque.
It made me think to myself "How many experiences have I had like this that I have forgotten?"
I'm sure the answer is well above my understanding of numbers.
This made me recollect on numerous general conference talks and other such things that have told me to keep a journal. Specifically a journal (or multiple) of blessings/dreams/special life experiences.
I've had each of these at separate times in my life. Some even at the same time!
However, I haven't had a steady journal for the last 4 years. Basically since getting back from my mission.
So I thought to myself that I should update this more regularly.
***
Now it's time for you to learn a little about me!
or if you're reading this in the future, about who I used to be/probably still am. (I am probably not going to change)
...
I notice things.
Let me correct that.
I notice EVERYTHING.
I may not remember everything very well, but if you ask me right afterwards, I am pretty dang good at noticing things.
LETMEGIVEYOUANEXAMPLE
Today I noticed a girl(not a girl of any importance, I promise) in my class. She was wearing jeans.
This is the first time she had ever worn jeans to the class.
She normally wears slacks...or whatever you call them when women wear them.
These are the things I notice.
And I thought to myself...do I say something about this? Do I mention that this is the first time she has worn jeans? Is that creepy that I notice these things?
Now...this may have been a somewhat subjective story.
There are lots of times that I don't notice anything.
At all.
LETMEGIVEYOUANEXAMPLE
I can be walking across campus, walk past someone I know very well(or possibly even room with) and not notice them at all. This is because I am preoccupied.
However if I am paying attention, which I do from time to time, I notice lots. I see people I know out of the corner of my eye from all the way down the hall.
It's strange.
I remember the hat that the guy I saw in the bathroom at the rest stop on the way to Utah was wearing. I also remember his general height.
Again...weird, I know.
Now you know some more about me.
***
We haven't had television in my apartment. We DO have a projector. But no TV.
So now I am sitting in my basement at home watching TV.
I don't even know if I am that interested in it. But it's something to do in between bouts of family time.
***
I like popsicles a lot.
AND hot chocolate.
Two random facts for ya.
It's my way of saying "Thanks for reading this far"
~Boy
P.S. Movember starts in just a matter of days. And you KNOW that I will be participating in that, growing out my sad, little mustache. No matter how sad and little it is.
It's still mine.
Why did I fly home for the weekend you ask?
I'll tell you later, let me finish my story.
So, as I was traveling, I saw an amazing view of the mountains in the distance off to the left with the clouds enveloping them on all sides except the side directly facing me. It looked like something out of a Peter Jackson movie.
Just beautiful.
Picturesque.
It made me think to myself "How many experiences have I had like this that I have forgotten?"
I'm sure the answer is well above my understanding of numbers.
This made me recollect on numerous general conference talks and other such things that have told me to keep a journal. Specifically a journal (or multiple) of blessings/dreams/special life experiences.
I've had each of these at separate times in my life. Some even at the same time!
However, I haven't had a steady journal for the last 4 years. Basically since getting back from my mission.
So I thought to myself that I should update this more regularly.
***
Now it's time for you to learn a little about me!
or if you're reading this in the future, about who I used to be/probably still am. (I am probably not going to change)
...
I notice things.
Let me correct that.
I notice EVERYTHING.
I may not remember everything very well, but if you ask me right afterwards, I am pretty dang good at noticing things.
LETMEGIVEYOUANEXAMPLE
Today I noticed a girl(not a girl of any importance, I promise) in my class. She was wearing jeans.
This is the first time she had ever worn jeans to the class.
She normally wears slacks...or whatever you call them when women wear them.
These are the things I notice.
And I thought to myself...do I say something about this? Do I mention that this is the first time she has worn jeans? Is that creepy that I notice these things?
Now...this may have been a somewhat subjective story.
There are lots of times that I don't notice anything.
At all.
LETMEGIVEYOUANEXAMPLE
I can be walking across campus, walk past someone I know very well(or possibly even room with) and not notice them at all. This is because I am preoccupied.
However if I am paying attention, which I do from time to time, I notice lots. I see people I know out of the corner of my eye from all the way down the hall.
It's strange.
I remember the hat that the guy I saw in the bathroom at the rest stop on the way to Utah was wearing. I also remember his general height.
Again...weird, I know.
Now you know some more about me.
***
We haven't had television in my apartment. We DO have a projector. But no TV.
So now I am sitting in my basement at home watching TV.
I don't even know if I am that interested in it. But it's something to do in between bouts of family time.
***
I like popsicles a lot.
AND hot chocolate.
Two random facts for ya.
It's my way of saying "Thanks for reading this far"
~Boy
P.S. Movember starts in just a matter of days. And you KNOW that I will be participating in that, growing out my sad, little mustache. No matter how sad and little it is.
It's still mine.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Casino Royale
Boy. Where to start...
Um...
This week has been incredible.
Incredible does not necessarily mean good, just unbelievable in such a way that it loses credibility.
Let's start with Monday...since that is pretty much the start of the week, right?
Monday
Class as normal, always a blast, BUT we had approximately 4 assignments due in my COMM450 class(also known as the only class I have on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday) I finished 3 of them.
DOYOUSEEAPROBLEMWITHTHEMATH?
I was missing one.
LUCKILY the teacher didn't require us to turn in the ONE assignment I had forgotten.
*phew*
Instead it was pushed back to Wednesday.
Gym was mediocre. Working out is always a problem after Fast Sunday. Makes for quite the problem when your body has next to no fuel to run on. But I digress.
Tuesday
Intense. Probably.
I don't remember it very well...
Wednesday
Remember that assignment I had due? Ya, it was due today.
LUCKILY I got it done in time.
UNLUCKILY there was a second assignment due that I had forgotten about this time.
LUCKILY the second assignment was pushed back to Friday!
...it would seem I have quite a bit of luck in this class...
I finally manned up and talked to the girl whom I have had a crush on for the last year.
At the end of the night I spent some time getting to know my FHE sisters better. They are quite magnificent in just about every way.
Thursday
Also don't remember it very well. I don't know if anything important happened here...
OHWAITAMINUTE
I had the best flag football game of my life!
I had two interceptions and was named the MVP of the game. But you know...no big deal.
I think that I was given that game in response to the mediocre/blargh day that I had on Wednesday.
Friday
Class.
Test.
Movie with friends. (Taken 2. Quite enjoyable.)
JUNKFOODRUN.
Now I am typing this while enjoying Casino Royale.
Brenton and I were filled with the desire to watch James Bond movies after viewing Taken 2. So we are watching them. It's nice to do what you want.
Long story short...
Good week.
Bad week.
Tired week.
Can't wait for the next one. Hopefully it will be better.
Oh of course it will be better because I go home at the end of it!
For a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert!!
So happy for that.
~Boy
P.S. I was told twice this week that I have amazing hair and twice more that my hair is incredibly soft. It was a slight ego boost.
Slight.
Um...
This week has been incredible.
Incredible does not necessarily mean good, just unbelievable in such a way that it loses credibility.
Let's start with Monday...since that is pretty much the start of the week, right?
Monday
Class as normal, always a blast, BUT we had approximately 4 assignments due in my COMM450 class(also known as the only class I have on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday) I finished 3 of them.
DOYOUSEEAPROBLEMWITHTHEMATH?
I was missing one.
LUCKILY the teacher didn't require us to turn in the ONE assignment I had forgotten.
*phew*
Instead it was pushed back to Wednesday.
Gym was mediocre. Working out is always a problem after Fast Sunday. Makes for quite the problem when your body has next to no fuel to run on. But I digress.
Tuesday
Intense. Probably.
I don't remember it very well...
Wednesday
Remember that assignment I had due? Ya, it was due today.
LUCKILY I got it done in time.
UNLUCKILY there was a second assignment due that I had forgotten about this time.
LUCKILY the second assignment was pushed back to Friday!
...it would seem I have quite a bit of luck in this class...
I finally manned up and talked to the girl whom I have had a crush on for the last year.
At the end of the night I spent some time getting to know my FHE sisters better. They are quite magnificent in just about every way.
Thursday
Also don't remember it very well. I don't know if anything important happened here...
OHWAITAMINUTE
I had the best flag football game of my life!
I had two interceptions and was named the MVP of the game. But you know...no big deal.
I think that I was given that game in response to the mediocre/blargh day that I had on Wednesday.
Friday
Class.
Test.
Movie with friends. (Taken 2. Quite enjoyable.)
JUNKFOODRUN.
Now I am typing this while enjoying Casino Royale.
Brenton and I were filled with the desire to watch James Bond movies after viewing Taken 2. So we are watching them. It's nice to do what you want.
Long story short...
Good week.
Bad week.
Tired week.
Can't wait for the next one. Hopefully it will be better.
Oh of course it will be better because I go home at the end of it!
For a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert!!
So happy for that.
~Boy
P.S. I was told twice this week that I have amazing hair and twice more that my hair is incredibly soft. It was a slight ego boost.
Slight.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
This One's For Felix
What marvelous times we live in.
There have been numerous interesting turns of event over the last couple days...
We shall see where they lead!
***
It is sad that the busier life gets with school, with sports, with social interactions the less I have time for my blog.
I wish I could update more, because there is so much more to update about.
~Boy
There have been numerous interesting turns of event over the last couple days...
We shall see where they lead!
***
It is sad that the busier life gets with school, with sports, with social interactions the less I have time for my blog.
I wish I could update more, because there is so much more to update about.
~Boy
Monday, October 8, 2012
General Consequences of Conference
This weekend has been full of fun!
Usually General Conference weekend is really slow and long for me. It's FULL of learning and spiritual insights, but it is often very, very long.
10 hours of church.
That's a LOT of church.
But again, it's usually enjoyable.
Especially in October, because I get to travel down to Utah and stay with my best friend, Ivan.
This October was no exception.
...
We had an amazing weekend.
Every dream I can remember was about going back to work at Best Buy...
and I had strong impressions the whole weekend that I need to baptize my friend Kyle...
It was very strange, but awesome at the same time.
Also, I ate like crap.
And now I feel like crap.
So I need to go super hard at the gym tomorrow and work all of it out of my system.
As well I need to go super hard on the homework tomorrow because I definitely didn't do any that I planned to this weekend.
C'est La Vie!
Good night my lovelies!
~Boy
P.S. Provo has given me a new lease on life...and has helped me to possibly see things a bit differently. Hopefully for the better! We shall see...
Usually General Conference weekend is really slow and long for me. It's FULL of learning and spiritual insights, but it is often very, very long.
10 hours of church.
That's a LOT of church.
But again, it's usually enjoyable.
Especially in October, because I get to travel down to Utah and stay with my best friend, Ivan.
This October was no exception.
...
We had an amazing weekend.
Every dream I can remember was about going back to work at Best Buy...
and I had strong impressions the whole weekend that I need to baptize my friend Kyle...
It was very strange, but awesome at the same time.
Also, I ate like crap.
And now I feel like crap.
So I need to go super hard at the gym tomorrow and work all of it out of my system.
As well I need to go super hard on the homework tomorrow because I definitely didn't do any that I planned to this weekend.
C'est La Vie!
Good night my lovelies!
~Boy
P.S. Provo has given me a new lease on life...and has helped me to possibly see things a bit differently. Hopefully for the better! We shall see...
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
I Wear Your Granddad's Clothes
Today I am grateful for those things in life that are constant.
Those things that never let you down.
You know the things.
~Boy
Those things that never let you down.
You know the things.
~Boy
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Nightly Ninjas
Once upon a time I was doing that whole alphabet blog thing.
Then I stopped.
Now it is time to start again.
I left off on N.
***
Nights in Rexburg usually end in one of two ways...
CRAZINESS
or
Nothing.
It seems I am either sitting around just waiting to go to bed OR I am involved in so much hectic craziness that I can't keep my head on straight.
Let's take last night as an example...
My original plans:
-Have bonfire
-Invite new FHE family
-Rest peacefully
or
-Run
However, I should have known that what I intend to do never happens.
My new plans:
-Friend comes over expecting to watch movie she assumed was on Netflix
-Friend brings OTHER friend who brings pet turtle
-Movie is not on Netflix
-Find other movie on Netflix
-Watch movie
-Friend who is sleeping on couch invites friends over
-SURROUNDEDBYSTRANGERS in my own townhouse
-Strangers(and friends) leave at midnight
-Sleep for small amount of time before early class. :'(
Blargh.
Luckily I was able to get up this morning and enjoy a better breakfast than usual. AND get to campus on time for my 8AM class...
WHICHWASCANCELLED. But no one told all of the students in the class...so we sat around for a while before the Psychology Office secretary came in and told us that our teacher wasn't here and we could leave.
Double blargh.
Now I am going to be productive.
So I'm not really good at this whole alphabet thing.
I may just give up on it and go back to my normal nightly rantings and ravings.
Note to self:
Don't get discouraged!
~Boy
Then I stopped.
Now it is time to start again.
I left off on N.
***
Nights in Rexburg usually end in one of two ways...
CRAZINESS
or
Nothing.
It seems I am either sitting around just waiting to go to bed OR I am involved in so much hectic craziness that I can't keep my head on straight.
Let's take last night as an example...
My original plans:
-Have bonfire
-Invite new FHE family
-Rest peacefully
or
-Run
However, I should have known that what I intend to do never happens.
My new plans:
-Friend comes over expecting to watch movie she assumed was on Netflix
-Friend brings OTHER friend who brings pet turtle
-Movie is not on Netflix
-Find other movie on Netflix
-Watch movie
-Friend who is sleeping on couch invites friends over
-SURROUNDEDBYSTRANGERS in my own townhouse
-Strangers(and friends) leave at midnight
-Sleep for small amount of time before early class. :'(
Blargh.
Luckily I was able to get up this morning and enjoy a better breakfast than usual. AND get to campus on time for my 8AM class...
WHICHWASCANCELLED. But no one told all of the students in the class...so we sat around for a while before the Psychology Office secretary came in and told us that our teacher wasn't here and we could leave.
Double blargh.
Now I am going to be productive.
So I'm not really good at this whole alphabet thing.
I may just give up on it and go back to my normal nightly rantings and ravings.
Note to self:
Don't get discouraged!
~Boy
Monday, September 17, 2012
Yeah...
So.
The thing about posting something extremely private in an extremely public place is that you tend to regret it afterwards.
But that's ok!
I think it is better that the world see the unadulterated me.
I'm not always like that.
I would say 168/170 days I'm not like that.
But sometimes life just gets ya down and you have to vent.
Brenton and I were talking in the gym today...
We both really only get upset when we know we can do better.
There is no other real good reason to get upset.
Plain and simple.
Simple and clean.
Clean your room(?)
~Boy
The thing about posting something extremely private in an extremely public place is that you tend to regret it afterwards.
But that's ok!
I think it is better that the world see the unadulterated me.
I'm not always like that.
I would say 168/170 days I'm not like that.
But sometimes life just gets ya down and you have to vent.
Brenton and I were talking in the gym today...
We both really only get upset when we know we can do better.
There is no other real good reason to get upset.
Plain and simple.
Simple and clean.
Clean your room(?)
~Boy
99 Problems, And They're All Easy
I get complimented on my church socks a lot when I am feeling lazy and just wear them with shorts after church. To be fair they usually ARE pretty amazing in their argyle fashion, but who knew that knee-length socks and shorts was in these days? I sure didn't.
***
This is my 100th post on this little blog of mine.
And I was trying to find something cool to do in celebration.
That's the real reason I haven't posted in almost a week.
I thought about doing a "what has changed in the last 100 posts" post...
I have no idea.
I thought about doing a huge self-analysis post where I analyze everything I do and what makes up who I am...
I might end up hating myself.
I thought about doing a get to know me better post...
Meh. Those take too long.
And so my blog has sat untouched for many a day.
Unloved.
Unchanged.
Unvisited.
I think I finally came to a conclusion of what to do, though, for my 100th post.
~~HAPPY 100 POSTS!! ISN'T THIS EXCITING?!~~
Yay
***
There are currently people screaming outside my window.
Good screaming! Not "oh no those people are dying screaming."
More like "haha, those people are having fun and running around screaming."
It is 11'o'clock at night.
I am lying in bed.
Ready for bed.
Ready for tomorrow.
Because today has been extremely...lackluster.
Some days just get your hopes up. And it's not the day's fault. And it's not anyone else's fault, either! It's just yours for having too darn high of hopes.
But that's not bad. Having high hopes is how people get to the moon.
I don't even know if having your hopes dashed is a bad thing...
but having your expectations dashed is terrible.
I guess I was expecting more from this day. If I was simply hoping, I could say "shucks" and move on.
/le sigh
C'est La Vie.
***
I have this problem.
I was talking to my family(I think) just a couple weeks ago when I was back home about this girl I liked.
This was probably the same night we had a lengthy conversation about why I wasn't married yet...
I said I needed to start coming up with some more creative and fun dates for me and this girl to go on, because you can only do the same thing so many times.
They said I shouldn't need to, because if she likes me back then anything that we do would be fine.
...
And this is why my relationships go nowhere.
I like talking to my dad.
Especially about relationships.
He doesn't blame me for not being married yet. He completely understands.
I was talking to him about this same topic not too long ago(All I ever talk about with anyone is apparently marriage. No wonder I'm not married...)and he summed it up nicely...
"Well no wonder you're not married! I don't blame you. Look at the role models you have!" (My father is divorced twice and my older brother is also divorced)
The only marriage(temple or otherwise) I've seen work in my family is my sister's. And good for her!
So I dunno about this whole dating thing.
I like girls.
I dare say that I love them.
but it's just not working out right now.
In making a conscious decision not to date I wouldn't really be changing anything besides the fact that I would be telling myself I'm not on a date because I want to be, not because I'm too big of a chicken to ask anyone.
Either way I'm not really dating a ton.
And this is a problem.
I have always gotten stuck on people.
I get an idea in my head.
A fantasy, I guess you could call it.
And I hope and pray for that ideal so long and hard...
that I close myself off to the other opportunities around me...
unfortunately these fantasies haven't worked out in the past.
***
I really wanted to stop talking about dating and/or marriage right now, but then I remembered that this is my blog and I write it for me. And today I guess I just need a little mental relaxation, and this is it.
I have to make a mental note to not talk about it so much in ACTUAL conversations and life, but I can talk about whatever I want here.
Like poop.
Also not something to talk about in everyday, polite conversation...but if I feel like talking about it here, gosh darn it I will.
***
I don't like to think that other people's actions have had an effect on me to shape me into who I am. That I am truly the master of my own destiny, and that I haven't been affected by anyone else.
Because that feels like I have been robbed of something.
Robbed of an opportunity to be someone else other than who I currently am.
Like my agency, my say in the matter, was taken from me.
And I don't like that thought.
This leads me to take the full force of the blame for my current state in life on myself. I accept responsibility for who I am.
I'm not me because of something that happened a long time ago.
I was not that fragile and moldable.
I have always been strong.
But the older I get and the more I think about my life...
the more I realize I'm lying to myself.
Others have DEFINITELY had an effect on my life.
I am a product of not only my own choices, but the also the consequences of other's actions as well.
If it was up to me, I would have married my high school sweetheart, like I had dreamed of, after returning from my mission.
My life would be drastically different.
I wouldn't be posting on a blog at the age of 25 saying "wo is me" when there are clearly others out there in the world that need pity and help more than I do.
Instead, due to some strange concoction of events and circumstances I have lost that person I once was, and instead am left with insecurity after insecurity.
I'm not good enough.
I'm not talented enough.
I'm not good-looking enough.
I'm not smart enough.
I'm not social enough.
I can't jump that high.
I can't lift that much.
I can't help other's as well as someone else can.
I don't dress well enough.
I don't smile enough.
I smile too much.
I have a weird laugh.
I am over my desired weight.
It sucks.
And I tell myself everyone else is insecure, too, and that I can lead them.
I can be the change I want to see.
But something inside, that little bit of lie that satan has convinced me of, holds me back.
Keeps me from being who I am supposed to be.
Who He knows I can be, and has told me explicitly I can be.
Instead I let fear, doubt, and insecurity run my everyday decisions.
What should I wear?
How should I do my hair?
Should I go to the gym?
Should I play video games?
Should I ask her out?
Should I ask her out, again?
Should I talk to her?
Should I ask that question?
What question should I ask?
What should I say?
All of those statements have should in them.
The truth of it all is that there isn't one thing I SHOULD do.
One thing I SHOULD say.
One way I SHOULD live.
Besides His way.
His words.
His example.
I want to be liked so bad that it cripples me from even talking to those I want to like me.
I'm a basket case.
***
I apologize if you have read through all of this.
It's just been one of those days where your expectations are dashed. Dashed in such a way that you don't even recognize all of the good that is happening around you.
I have so much to be thankful for but all I can focus on currently is how bad it hurts right now.
That is weakness.
This is strength.
~Boy
***
This is my 100th post on this little blog of mine.
And I was trying to find something cool to do in celebration.
That's the real reason I haven't posted in almost a week.
I thought about doing a "what has changed in the last 100 posts" post...
I have no idea.
I thought about doing a huge self-analysis post where I analyze everything I do and what makes up who I am...
I might end up hating myself.
I thought about doing a get to know me better post...
Meh. Those take too long.
And so my blog has sat untouched for many a day.
Unloved.
Unchanged.
Unvisited.
I think I finally came to a conclusion of what to do, though, for my 100th post.
~~HAPPY 100 POSTS!! ISN'T THIS EXCITING?!~~
Yay
***
There are currently people screaming outside my window.
Good screaming! Not "oh no those people are dying screaming."
More like "haha, those people are having fun and running around screaming."
It is 11'o'clock at night.
I am lying in bed.
Ready for bed.
Ready for tomorrow.
Because today has been extremely...lackluster.
Some days just get your hopes up. And it's not the day's fault. And it's not anyone else's fault, either! It's just yours for having too darn high of hopes.
But that's not bad. Having high hopes is how people get to the moon.
I don't even know if having your hopes dashed is a bad thing...
but having your expectations dashed is terrible.
I guess I was expecting more from this day. If I was simply hoping, I could say "shucks" and move on.
/le sigh
C'est La Vie.
***
I have this problem.
I was talking to my family(I think) just a couple weeks ago when I was back home about this girl I liked.
This was probably the same night we had a lengthy conversation about why I wasn't married yet...
I said I needed to start coming up with some more creative and fun dates for me and this girl to go on, because you can only do the same thing so many times.
They said I shouldn't need to, because if she likes me back then anything that we do would be fine.
...
And this is why my relationships go nowhere.
I like talking to my dad.
Especially about relationships.
He doesn't blame me for not being married yet. He completely understands.
I was talking to him about this same topic not too long ago(All I ever talk about with anyone is apparently marriage. No wonder I'm not married...)and he summed it up nicely...
"Well no wonder you're not married! I don't blame you. Look at the role models you have!" (My father is divorced twice and my older brother is also divorced)
The only marriage(temple or otherwise) I've seen work in my family is my sister's. And good for her!
So I dunno about this whole dating thing.
I like girls.
I dare say that I love them.
but it's just not working out right now.
In making a conscious decision not to date I wouldn't really be changing anything besides the fact that I would be telling myself I'm not on a date because I want to be, not because I'm too big of a chicken to ask anyone.
Either way I'm not really dating a ton.
And this is a problem.
I have always gotten stuck on people.
I get an idea in my head.
A fantasy, I guess you could call it.
And I hope and pray for that ideal so long and hard...
that I close myself off to the other opportunities around me...
unfortunately these fantasies haven't worked out in the past.
***
I really wanted to stop talking about dating and/or marriage right now, but then I remembered that this is my blog and I write it for me. And today I guess I just need a little mental relaxation, and this is it.
I have to make a mental note to not talk about it so much in ACTUAL conversations and life, but I can talk about whatever I want here.
Like poop.
Also not something to talk about in everyday, polite conversation...but if I feel like talking about it here, gosh darn it I will.
***
I don't like to think that other people's actions have had an effect on me to shape me into who I am. That I am truly the master of my own destiny, and that I haven't been affected by anyone else.
Because that feels like I have been robbed of something.
Robbed of an opportunity to be someone else other than who I currently am.
Like my agency, my say in the matter, was taken from me.
And I don't like that thought.
This leads me to take the full force of the blame for my current state in life on myself. I accept responsibility for who I am.
I'm not me because of something that happened a long time ago.
I was not that fragile and moldable.
I have always been strong.
But the older I get and the more I think about my life...
the more I realize I'm lying to myself.
Others have DEFINITELY had an effect on my life.
I am a product of not only my own choices, but the also the consequences of other's actions as well.
If it was up to me, I would have married my high school sweetheart, like I had dreamed of, after returning from my mission.
My life would be drastically different.
I wouldn't be posting on a blog at the age of 25 saying "wo is me" when there are clearly others out there in the world that need pity and help more than I do.
Instead, due to some strange concoction of events and circumstances I have lost that person I once was, and instead am left with insecurity after insecurity.
I'm not good enough.
I'm not talented enough.
I'm not good-looking enough.
I'm not smart enough.
I'm not social enough.
I can't jump that high.
I can't lift that much.
I can't help other's as well as someone else can.
I don't dress well enough.
I don't smile enough.
I smile too much.
I have a weird laugh.
I am over my desired weight.
It sucks.
And I tell myself everyone else is insecure, too, and that I can lead them.
I can be the change I want to see.
But something inside, that little bit of lie that satan has convinced me of, holds me back.
Keeps me from being who I am supposed to be.
Who He knows I can be, and has told me explicitly I can be.
Instead I let fear, doubt, and insecurity run my everyday decisions.
What should I wear?
How should I do my hair?
Should I go to the gym?
Should I play video games?
Should I ask her out?
Should I ask her out, again?
Should I talk to her?
Should I ask that question?
What question should I ask?
What should I say?
All of those statements have should in them.
The truth of it all is that there isn't one thing I SHOULD do.
One thing I SHOULD say.
One way I SHOULD live.
Besides His way.
His words.
His example.
I want to be liked so bad that it cripples me from even talking to those I want to like me.
I'm a basket case.
***
I apologize if you have read through all of this.
It's just been one of those days where your expectations are dashed. Dashed in such a way that you don't even recognize all of the good that is happening around you.
I have so much to be thankful for but all I can focus on currently is how bad it hurts right now.
That is weakness.
This is strength.
~Boy
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